new york, i love you
by emilyforprez
Summary: but you're bringing me down...
1. Chapter 1

She's young. Gloriously young. Jailbait, if you will.

It's hot.

It's so fucking hot.

* * *

Why shouldn't I? I had nothing left, did I? I didn't have Nate. I didn't have my father. I barely had Eric. I had no one.

And that was all their loss. It's their fault they lost me. I'm stronger than they are; I always have been. So why care if Serena wants me dead, or if Nate despises me, or if my father wishes I'd never been born? Why care that I lost Eric to his psuedo-gay boyfriend?

I slept with Chuck Bass. It felt okay. It wasn't special. I thought your first time was supposed to be special, and it wasn't, but whatever.

I felt fine.

I felt so perfectly fine I could cry.

* * *

Here's the truth. Raw, uncut, actual truth.

She's still a little girl. Sometimes, it looks like she's much older, but she's still a child. She doesn't always act like it. But sometimes, she thinks it'd be nice if people treated her like a child. If her father would act like she was ever the infant he held in his arms.

She misses her mother. (But you can't tell a soul. Alison is too busy with her new life, her new husband, her new daughter, to even realize that Jenny exists.)

She's not perfect. She can't be. She tells the whole world she's perfect, but she still doesn't know who stares back at her in the mirror.

She's lonely. She screws it all up because she's Jenny Humphrey, and she doesn't know how to be.

* * *

The bus ride is long, and agonizingly so, but the seat is warm against her back. The sunlight falls through the window, and she feels a glow resonating off her skin. Her eyes open. She's just fine. She means it this time.

Her eyes are fully open. The world is beautiful.

"Where you getting off at?"

There's a boy next to her, young and innocent, just like she wants to be. He smiles at her and closes his book, sliding it gently into his backpack. He's... nice. She hasn't met anyone this nice before.

She smiles at him. Her face is washed free of makeup, and the world is brighter again; all she has to do is find the sun.

"Wherever I want to," she replies.

She's in control.

_If you ever step foot in Manhattan again...  
_

She closes her eyes.

Manhattan is too big for Jenny Humphrey.


	2. Chapter 2

She falls asleep on the bus. She doesn't know how long she slept, or how far she's traveled, only that when she awakes, it is dark outside. The boy beside her is reading by the soft glow of his phone. She snorts laughter.

"Do you ever stop reading?"

The boy glances up. He has nice brown eyes, and his hair falls at a natural way. His smile isn't forced, or simply polite; it's genuine. She's fascinated with the easiness of his presence.

"Sometimes," he replies, "when I have to do human things, like eat and sleep."

She laughs once more. The bus rides through the night, its destination still unknown. She wants to get as far away as possible.

"What's your name?" he asks, jarring her from the dark thoughts. He extends his hand, as if in greeding. "Name's Josh. Parks. Josh Parks."

She smiles. "Jenny Humphrey." She laces her fingers through his, shaking slowly, deliberately. She doesn't ever want to get off the bus. Meeting someone like him... it's almost too good to be true. She wants to keep that feeling.

"Still don't know where you're going, do you?" laughs Josh, his fingertips still lightly touching hers. "What, did you just hop on a bus with no destination in mind?"

She's surprised into more laughter, and a swelling in her chest grows. "That's exactly what I did. From New York to wherever-this-is. Still don't know where I'm going. Maybe I'll just never get off." She entertains this idea for a moment.

Josh glances down at the book, folded at the bind in his lap. "You could get off where I'm going." The suggestion is hopeful, almost too naive, and color rises to his cheeks as he asks it. "I mean, I'm getting off at Charleston. I was just visiting some cousins... heading back home."

For the life of her, she can't remember where Charleston is, but she figures she should follow Josh wherever he chooses to go. He's nice. It's so idealistic that she could simply stay in Charleston; she'd packed some clothes, she stole some credit cards. She could buy herself an apartment. Maybe...

As each thought slides into her brain, she's further convinced it could work.

"Charleston," she repeats through numb lips. That was far enough from New York, isn't it? "Sounds nice."

Josh's smile grows huger as she continues, "Yeah. Maybe I'll get off there," with her mind already set on it.

"Great." She knows he's not lying when he says it, for there's no sarcasm, no sneer, only a smile curving his lips.

She thinks she's found the sun.


	3. Chapter 3

Her dreams are invaded with hazy, heady thoughts.

_"If you ever step foot into Manhattan..."_

_"Jenny Humphrey was just -"_

_"Don't say her name!"_

She can feel herself twisting, turning, whimpering helplessly in her sleep. She understands it's a nightmare, but she can't escape. She's sitting in the lobby again, watching it all, on repeat. Over and over and over again.

_"How could you?"_

_"No one's forcing you to stay."  
_

She can feel the harsh stares burning into her skull. She can hear their sneers, their angry words. She sees her father's disappointed eyes, Eric's judgment, Blair's hatred, Nate's disbelief. She sees it all. She can't escape it.

_"Get out, Jenny."_

She screams but there's no one to hear her.

* * *

She's awake and it's still dark out, but the sun is coming up the horizon. It bathes the horizon with its glow, warming the earth and lighting up the bus. Everything looks better at sunrise, she realizes. The world looks so fresh, so wonderful.

Her head is resting on Josh's shoulder; she must've fallen asleep like that. He's sleeping, too, lolling his head quietly to the side. They're the only ones left on the bus. It's so perfect she wants to cry.

"I'm happy I found you," she says, but it's too soft, too quiet, and so he doesn't awake. He's fast asleep, dreaming whatever it is that nice guys dream about. Probably puppies and kittens and all that.

She doesn't know if she truly found him, or if he found her, but it seems to work either way around.

* * *

"Grab your bags," Josh laughs, rolling his eyes goodnaturedly as he sees what a small load she'd packed. "Geez, you must've splurged."

She scowls at him. "I threw out a lot of things." She burned most of her outfits, each dress and short skirt greedily eaten by the flames. She'd only taken some jeans, a t-shirt or a few, and her laptop. With a lighthearted laugh, she tugs the bag up to her shoulder, turning with a grin. "Come on, hurry up."

They step out of the bus into a station. The air that greets her is cold, and Josh grabs her hand, holding it above their heads with flourish.

"Welcome to Charleston!" he announces. "As close to New York as you can get in Virginia."

She gazes around, at the bustling people, the unfamiliar surroundings.

She realizes that Josh is severely wrong. It's nothing like New York in the slightest. But she listens to him, holding onto his hand as a lifeline, and decides not to say a word. It looks nothing like New York. To Jenny Humphrey, it might as well be paradise.


End file.
